5 August 2012
I think it’s time to finally update my blog. I have been avoiding this because frankly I
have no real updates on my life.
However, I’ve decided to take my hours of extreme boredom to fill you in on a more intimate level of the life of a
Peace Corps volunteer. Up until this
point, I have tried to write about crazy cultural facts, scary bus ride
stories, and victories in my various goals and projects in the village. I’m not sure the image the past posts really
gave off, but for the most part they were the happier more glorifying
descriptions of my life here to show you readers that I’m doing great and
having the time of my life.
Which is true. I am doing great and having the time of my
life. Although the class before us just
finished their 2 years of service and are back in the states and therefore the
past few weeks have only been talk of the various foods they’ll get to eat
again, I couldn’t picture myself anywhere else right now. I want to be here and I am in no way ready to
return. But, to stop the over glorified
version on my life here, I have to admit lately has been tough.
I AM SO BORED!!!
As most of you know, I didn’t know what boredom really was
back in the states. Between multiple
jobs, school, volunteer work, and a social life, most of the time I was on the go
and only dreaming of the few days I would be able to sleep in a little. A part of me was so excited to have a chance
to live my dream of doing Peace Corps and being able to slow down my life for
once. But I guess like they say, be
careful what you wish for. I don’t think
my life could move at a slower pace unless I died right now.
Before you start to worry about my mental stability (mom…)
this is, in fact, the very typical lifestyle for Peace Corps volunteers. I guess I’ll begin with explaining why this
lifestyle has become more apparent for me lately. One major reason life is slowing down here is
because I’ve adjusted and adapted to life in a Tanzanian village. Things aren’t as new, different, or crazy to
me anymore but a part of my life.
Everything has become routine. My
house has become my home. The crazy lady
next door has become my bibi
(grandmother) and fellow villagers have become my friends and family. I feel as much a part of my village right now
as it does a part of me. That being
said, tasks that once bewildered me (i.e. washing clothes by hand and cooking a
meal) are now just normal tasks to do.
When I first got to site, I would feel so accomplished if I did laundry and cooked dinner in one day; completely
satisfied with myself for surviving the day and being so productive. But at 8 months at site now, although I still
absolutely hate hours of hand washing, laundry is about as mundane as doing laundry
with a machine back home. It’s not
necessarily a confidence booster any longer.
Another major reason for this slowed down life style is the outcome
of many of my project ideas or activities here in the vill. Up until this point, I was teaching English,
meeting people, starting projects, planning lessons and meetings, tutoring,
helping at the clinic, etc. This may
seem like a lot but it was certainly not all of these every day, but I at least
felt like I was doing something productive.
However, now everything has stopped. English teaching at the primary school is on
hold due to Ramadan (although the kids don’t eat during school hours anyways,
but were taking a break until after Ramadan and the government census). My Life Skills class at the secondary school
never started due to lack of organization (despite my constant attempts!). The out-of-school youth health club I wanted
to start never began due to lack of interest (although before many people asked
for more health and HIV education). The
health clinic has been closed for days due to understaffing (our nurse moved to
another clinic so now it’s only one doctor who often travels to town and other
villages). And lastly, my biggest
project, digging a well, is the most frustrating part of my service so
far. Up until now, we still only have a
committee and ideas but lately the desire to do any work to make this happen is
so low that people aren’t even showing up for out committee meetings. We have not met in over a month. And, with this plan of action, we’ll never
get it done (which I explained how the lack of commitment is not a good
indication of them doing their contribution to get a grant, so they need to
step it up or maybe we need to start with a less intense project. We have a meeting to decide that next week…).
So how does one pass the time in a small Tanzanian village
with nothing to do?? Here’s an example schedule of my life lately:
1. Attempt to drag lethargic body out of bed
around 7:30am: not because you need to start a day early but because you
can no longer fight the village noises and your back hurts so bad from sleeping
on a piece of foam mattress that constantly ends up with a giant ditch in the
middle. Also, if you successfully convince
yourself to get up and run (despite the lack or protein and energy feeling) you
need to go before it’s too hot.
2.
Attempt to run: running requites a lot of
planning. You have to wear clothes that
are light enough to fight the heat bust also conservative enough to wear in
public- usually workout capris to cover knees, tee-shirt, and a kanga (large
piece of fabric) wrapped around you lower body since capris are tight. Then, after dressing, you have to greet every
neighbor along the way, who ask, “Going to do exercises?” each time, when
obviously your ridiculous outfit answers that question. Then, once you pass all the houses and convince
the children not to run after you, you can start running on the dirt road. But you have to greet each person walking or
biking past you along the way. Everyone
will tell you that you are running too late because the sun is out and you will
sweat…then you try to convince them you don’t care and actually want a good
sweat (there are people that run for exercise in my village, usually the soccer
players, but they run before the sun is up).
During the run, you’ll be able to clear your mind and the runner’s high
will bring up your mood and you’ll live completely in your own mind (minus a
few short greetings), giving yourself a pep talk to reattempt project ideas and
try again. I attempt to run at least 3
times a week (life in Tanzania is hard on my knees so don’t want to overdo
it).
3.
Return home and do yoga: once you return
and ignore the “she’s sweating” comments, you attempt to block out the constant
requests of children and bibi to come and talk and greet you to do some yoga to
stretch and relax (which means I always do this indoors in my extra room). You try to convince yourself if you don’t
respond, they’ll go away. Which,
instead, you learn they won’t go away but your meditation skills get better at
just blocking them out.
4.
Chai: every, and I mean every single day
its oatmeal with added peanut butter and a banana when lucky. On most days it’s a tea bag (which are always
great in packages), but when I’m feeling good the coffee comes out and I am in
a perfect mood with oatmeal and hot coffee (I have to ration my coffee supplies
ha). I don’t know how I’m not sick of
oatmeal- seriously everyday for 8 months- and I really do look forward to
breakfast a lot. I often eat chai in my
kitchen because I don’t get bothered as much there as outside or in my living
room with the constant requests, although usually sarcastic, “Where’s my chai?
What are you eating? What’d you cook for me?”
5.
Stare at wall: This is something every
volunteer is really good at. We can
spend hours just sitting and staring off.
I don’t think we’ve gone too crazy from doing this daily but Peace Corps
really makes you get to know yourself. I
am constantly aware of thinking to myself.
As the only English speaker in my village, I only have English
conversations with other volunteers.
Sometimes here I just want to be left alone and hove some privacy and
time to be me. But this means I live in
my head- haven’t gotten to the point of talking out loud to myself yet though
ha. But while this may sound troubling
to others, Peace Corps has truly given me time to really get to know myself:
how to motivate myself, when to reach out to other volunteers, how far I can
push myself, how to handle fear, frustration, successes, homesickness,
etc. I’ve definitely become much more
independent and pushed myself so much further than I ever thought imaginable. So I guess hours of sitting, staring at the
wall, staring at my garden anticipating veggies for weeks later, living inside
my head, giving myself pep talks, etc. has helped me become more self reliant
and able to do things I never thought possible.
Although its extreme boredom contributing to much of this, I have to say
I am proud of myself.
6.
Solar charger check: Life without a phone here would be
crazy, Like I said above, much of my
time is spent in my head, so interactions with villagers- although it takes
brain power to speak another language- and phone calls to other volunteers is
necessary. One hour phone call of
venting, sharing, laughing, and speaking English equals the phones
battery. A couple hours in direct
sunlight is life saving for my mental stability to be able to talk with other
volunteers. I am not looking forward to
the rainy season and clouds and having to plan out whom to call for short
times, but I got through that once already.
7.
Cleaning: I guess before coming here, I
was kind of a neat freak. My mom would
call me germaphobic. Well, being clean
and free from germs is impossible here! I do, however, clean daily since it’s necessary. With cement floors now (I would never have
survived the dirt floors in my first house!) it’s easy to sweep and mopping
consists of dumping water on the ground and sweeping it out the door. But since I have kids in my house playing
cards everyday and open windows and wind etc. my house gets covered in dirt
easily. Out of boredom, I often
reorganize things to find layers of dust bunnies and dirt despite the constant
cleaning. Sometimes this reorganization
leads to finding rat hideouts. I have
been keeping a tally on all the rats that I have killed since I got to site:
17. The first 15 were all killed with
poison and most were in my first house.
The 16th I found in my compost pile and killed with my jembe
(hoe) and the 17th was running in my house and I smashed it against
the wall with the giant box of condoms (6000) that I have for free distribution
and education here. So, despite my lack of
need for protection from condoms living on my own here, they are still
protecting me from some things…rats ha.
They seem to know to avoid poison now, so my ability to kill an animal
is being tested here and there; and since I have developed such a disgust of
rats living under my same roof, I am finding it almost normal to hunt them down
(sometimes this has to occur with a phone call to a friend here who gives
encouragement while I am running around with a flashlight in one hand and a
book or other killing device in another- getting a good picture now?). Dishes are also a daily chore and I have to
say I’m really good at conserving water now!
8.
Showering: This is not a daily occurrence. Showers depend on how much water I have,
which is often none. Days I run I
definitely rinse off, but washing hair is not too often (but years with Ali
Adams trained me for this J
ha). My feet are always covered in dirt
so that seems a pointless task until right before bed; yet somehow my sheets
still always get dirty. Now that it’s
cooler, bucket baths are like diving in a cold pool. Shaving legs with goose bumps is not too fun
(yes, I still shave my legs since its one of the few things that makes me feel
clean). So for “warm” showers I put my
bucket of water in the sun for a couple hours and then it’s not so bad. I still need to hand my solar shower and see
how that works… But in the rainy/warm season, cold showers are great.
9.
Read: Books are my life here. They are the easiest escape from boredom and
luckily from years of past down books between volunteers, we all have gathered
quite a collection. I’ll spend hours
reading on my rope bed until my butt falls asleep then move around and then
start reading again. With my video iPod
now (thanks Ashee and Mom!) I can watch tv shows like the Office here and
there, but I really enjoy reading at my leisure now that I have the time
(unlike while I was in school).
10.
Do “work”: There are many times when I
want to stay inside and not have to watch over 20 kids playing cards, talk with
every passerby, explain how we do grow corn in the States but don’t eat ugali,
and speak in Swahili. Therefore, if I
want to just chill, read, write letters, make phone calls, plan lessons, study
Swahili, etc. I have to shut my door and pass out the word that I am
“working.” It is difficult for my
villagers to understand why I want to be alone.
They are such a communal society, so they often feel that interrupting
my work to sit and chat is helping me and they constantly want to make sure I
am not lonely. So any of these tasks are
always interrupted and that is why Peace Corps is a 24/7/365 job. Sometimes bibi is so persistent that she won’t
stop yelling through my window until I let her in, and when I explain
repeatedly that I am writing or working she says “That’s fine. I’ll just sit here and watch you work.” This of course always leads to her talking to
me anyways, or sometimes she’ll just pass out on my living room floor. So although I have all the time in the world
here, I am often bad with letters for this very reason, but I do my best to
keep writing all of you!
11.
Lunch: As mentioned above, I am
constantly interrupted and visited at my house.
I don’t like to cook or eat in front of people, since I usually just
make food for me and not every visitor.
As a communal society, they cook meals to eat with the family or
neighbors and always invite passerbys to sit and eat as well. I do cook and share meals often, but since I
don’t eat ugali every meal, sharing actual dishes of various food and often my
American package food would get much too expensive. Therefore, I have convinced myself I don’t
need lunch (unless I am invited by a neighbor).
I am often out of my house in the afternoons anyways, so this is usually
not a problem, but on days when I am just sitting around staring at the wall,
food is often on my mind. Plus cooking 3
times a day is annoying as well.
12.
Repeat above steps: Throughout the day, I
continue to read, clean, stare, visit neighbors, write, plan, etc. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Right now with no school and little progress
on projects, there’s not a lot of variation or even an actual necessity to plan
or do anything. Understanding the
boredom??
13.
Visit Mama: Around 3:30-4pm I head over
to my Mama’s house to get out of mine and visit her and her neighbors. Usually this consists of me sitting on her
mat outside, listening to her and the neighbors talk and gossip in the tribal
language (Kiyao), me zoning out because I don’t understand the tribal language,
watching chickens run around and get raped by roosters, watching children run
around showing off for me, watching children watch me, and me joining the
conversation here and there or asking to have the Kiyao translated to
Kiswahili. This is also a time that I
catch my Mama after her farm and house work to discuss any plans or concerns
with projects. Its different being closest with a 40-something year old women,
but I really do enjoy spending time with my Mama. She is always so happy and energetic and always
there to help me with anything from language help to project frustrations. Her and her husband, the village Chief and my
Baba (father), truly care about me and consider me a member of their
family.
14.
Children: Just like back in the states, I
still love interacting with children. My
house seems to always be open to kids to play cards, jump rope, look at
magazines, study, and just watch me.
Playing with kids is one of the few things that is exactly the same here
in Tanzania and back at home. Kids are
kids everywhere. So on days when I am not
feeling up to walking around outside, speaking Swahili, and always being happy
and friendly, I let the kids come into my house and that usually will put a
smile on my face. Children here are very
different than the States, however, because they are completely self
reliant. It is not uncommon for a 5 year
old child to be carrying and coddling a 1 year old strapped to her (women care
for children) back. The children who do
not attend school are left to run around the village. Kids here are always expected to do household
work, run errands, and do a lot of the cleaning and farm work even at the
school. Although this often seems like
little slaves at times, they truly love to work and have anything to do. Many kids offer to sweep for me or other
tasks, especially now that they know I usually give out candy for those who
help me out. There are always a group of
children at my house in the evenings to play cards, and I typically do dishes,
prep dinner, or other shores while they play.
Usually, I have to tell them to bring everything back in neatly since
the sun is no longer out and they can come back again the next day.
15.
Dinner: Lately, with not much to do
during the day, I have been preparing dinner earlier while the kids are playing
in my house. Also, the days are shorter right now (its “winter” here) so with
the sun going down earlier, I am left alone to eat earlier. Dinner is often some version of beans
(different seasoning or sauces) or pasta.
I do enjoy cooking though, so when I have veggies or feel creative, I
make different breads or creamy pasta sauces or thai stir fry. Prepping food here is not just chopping
veggies. It consists of lighting your
charcoal jiko (stove) and fanning it until it is burning. Rice has to be sifted through to make sure
there are no stones. Beans have to be
checked for bad ones. Nothing here is
ready to just cook like back home. Often
things have bugs in it as well. The
better flours I buy in a duka (shop) in town always have bugs in them. Therefore, before baking, I have to sift
through flour to pick out worms and bugs and know fully, that I missed many but
am comforted by the fact that the heat will kill them and if anything more
protein would be good for me! I know
often make my specialty- whole wheat worm bread. J
I eat dinner by candlelight and often read while eating.
16.
Phone calls: I usually chat with my two
closest friends every evening. Even
though most of the time neither of us has anything exciting to talk about, we
still chat every day. It’s nice to hear
someone else’s same frustrations or funny rat adventures or complete boredom as
well.
17.
Bedtime: Once I am ready for bed and
brushed my teeth and cleaned my feet, I do a once-over just to make sure there
are no creatures that somehow got under my mosquito net into my bed. A couple volunteers down here have found rats
curled in their sheets or one even had a snake under his bed. So far I have been lucky, but I still
check. Then I read with my headlamp or
watch a tv show on my iPod. Despite the
fact that I didn’t really exert my body too much, I am usually exhausted and pass
out by 9:30pm.
Well, that is just an average day here in the vill. Remember, right now I am not teaching or
doing much work either so I am sure, and desperately hope, this will change
back to a fuller schedule. However, this
is not an uncommon day in the life of a Peace Corps volunteer. And although I am completely bored and pretty
frustrated with how projects are going, I know things will change and I am
still thoroughly enjoying my time spent with friends and family here in the
village. And not only am I becoming
extremely close with other volunteers here, I am really enjoying getting to
know myself and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I apologize for the book I just wrote, but
hope you all enjoy a closer view at what I do (or don’t do) here in Tanzania. Also, I just found another Peace Corps
volunteer’s blog from another country, but he describes the life of a volunteer
in a funny and realistic manner:
waidsworld.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/the-real-peace-corps/
I hope to write more next time I am in town and I will be
adding some more cultural experiences soon!
Love and miss you all tons and hope life is going great! XOXO
22 August 2012
Peace Corps is certainly a rollercoaster of not only
emotions but of events as well. Clearly,
the last time I wrote out a blog post I was bored out of my mind. But I actually have a few updates now!
1.
Got a puppy to entertain me!
2.
Visited my mama’s home village to meet her
family.
3.
Feasted and chanted for the end of Ramadan
holiday
4.
Movement with the water project- we finally
started
5.
World Aids Day preparations
I’ll write more on these later when I have some more time.
Also spent the weekend at the beach house here drinking some wine, eating
cheese and ice cream, and swimming in the Indian Ocean so it’s been a good
break from the vill. Hope all is well
and it was great to Skype with so many of you today!! Love and miss you all so
much! xoxoxo
