August 22, 2012

Oh how the time does fly...NOT!


5 August 2012
I think it’s time to finally update my blog.  I have been avoiding this because frankly I have no real updates on my life.  However, I’ve decided to take my hours of extreme boredom to fill you   in on a more intimate level of the life of a Peace Corps volunteer.  Up until this point, I have tried to write about crazy cultural facts, scary bus ride stories, and victories in my various goals and projects in the village.  I’m not sure the image the past posts really gave off, but for the most part they were the happier more glorifying descriptions of my life here to show you readers that I’m doing great and having the time of my life.

Which is true.   I am doing great and having the time of my life.  Although the class before us just finished their 2 years of service and are back in the states and therefore the past few weeks have only been talk of the various foods they’ll get to eat again, I couldn’t picture myself anywhere else right now.  I want to be here and I am in no way ready to return.  But, to stop the over glorified version on my life here, I have to admit lately has been tough.

I AM SO BORED!!!

As most of you know, I didn’t know what boredom really was back in the states.  Between multiple jobs, school, volunteer work, and a social life, most of the time I was on the go and only dreaming of the few days I would be able to sleep in a little.  A part of me was so excited to have a chance to live my dream of doing Peace Corps and being able to slow down my life for once.  But I guess like they say, be careful what you wish for.  I don’t think my life could move at a slower pace unless I died right now.

Before you start to worry about my mental stability (mom…) this is, in fact, the very typical lifestyle for Peace Corps volunteers.  I guess I’ll begin with explaining why this lifestyle has become more apparent for me lately.  One major reason life is slowing down here is because I’ve adjusted and adapted to life in a Tanzanian village.  Things aren’t as new, different, or crazy to me anymore but a part of my life.  Everything has become routine.  My house has become my home.  The crazy lady next door has become my bibi (grandmother) and fellow villagers have become my friends and family.  I feel as much a part of my village right now as it does a part of me.  That being said, tasks that once bewildered me (i.e. washing clothes by hand and cooking a meal) are now just normal tasks to do.  When I first got to site, I would feel so accomplished if I did laundry and cooked dinner in one day; completely satisfied with myself for surviving the day and being so productive.  But at 8 months at site now, although I still absolutely hate hours of hand washing, laundry is about as mundane as doing laundry with a machine back home.  It’s not necessarily a confidence booster any longer.
Another major reason for this slowed down life style is the outcome of many of my project ideas or activities here in the vill.  Up until this point, I was teaching English, meeting people, starting projects, planning lessons and meetings, tutoring, helping at the clinic, etc.  This may seem like a lot but it was certainly not all of these every day, but I at least felt like I was doing something productive.  However, now everything has stopped.  English teaching at the primary school is on hold due to Ramadan (although the kids don’t eat during school hours anyways, but were taking a break until after Ramadan and the government census).  My Life Skills class at the secondary school never started due to lack of organization (despite my constant attempts!).  The out-of-school youth health club I wanted to start never began due to lack of interest (although before many people asked for more health and HIV education).  The health clinic has been closed for days due to understaffing (our nurse moved to another clinic so now it’s only one doctor who often travels to town and other villages).  And lastly, my biggest project, digging a well, is the most frustrating part of my service so far.  Up until now, we still only have a committee and ideas but lately the desire to do any work to make this happen is so low that people aren’t even showing up for out committee meetings.  We have not met in over a month.  And, with this plan of action, we’ll never get it done (which I explained how the lack of commitment is not a good indication of them doing their contribution to get a grant, so they need to step it up or maybe we need to start with a less intense project.  We have a meeting to decide that next week…).
So how does one pass the time in a small Tanzanian village with nothing to do?? Here’s an example schedule of my life lately:

1.       Attempt to drag lethargic body out of bed around 7:30am: not because you need to start a day early but because you can no longer fight the village noises and your back hurts so bad from sleeping on a piece of foam mattress that constantly ends up with a giant ditch in the middle.  Also, if you successfully convince yourself to get up and run (despite the lack or protein and energy feeling) you need to go before it’s too hot.

2.       Attempt to run: running requites a lot of planning.  You have to wear clothes that are light enough to fight the heat bust also conservative enough to wear in public- usually workout capris to cover knees, tee-shirt, and a kanga (large piece of fabric) wrapped around you lower body since capris are tight.  Then, after dressing, you have to greet every neighbor along the way, who ask, “Going to do exercises?” each time, when obviously your ridiculous outfit answers that question.  Then, once you pass all the houses and convince the children not to run after you, you can start running on the dirt road.  But you have to greet each person walking or biking past you along the way.  Everyone will tell you that you are running too late because the sun is out and you will sweat…then you try to convince them you don’t care and actually want a good sweat (there are people that run for exercise in my village, usually the soccer players, but they run before the sun is up).  During the run, you’ll be able to clear your mind and the runner’s high will bring up your mood and you’ll live completely in your own mind (minus a few short greetings), giving yourself a pep talk to reattempt project ideas and try again.  I attempt to run at least 3 times a week (life in Tanzania is hard on my knees so don’t want to overdo it). 

3.       Return home and do yoga: once you return and ignore the “she’s sweating” comments, you attempt to block out the constant requests of children and bibi to come and talk and greet you to do some yoga to stretch and relax (which means I always do this indoors in my extra room).  You try to convince yourself if you don’t respond, they’ll go away.  Which, instead, you learn they won’t go away but your meditation skills get better at just blocking them out. 

4.       Chai: every, and I mean every single day its oatmeal with added peanut butter and a banana when lucky.  On most days it’s a tea bag (which are always great in packages), but when I’m feeling good the coffee comes out and I am in a perfect mood with oatmeal and hot coffee (I have to ration my coffee supplies ha).  I don’t know how I’m not sick of oatmeal- seriously everyday for 8 months- and I really do look forward to breakfast a lot.  I often eat chai in my kitchen because I don’t get bothered as much there as outside or in my living room with the constant requests, although usually sarcastic, “Where’s my chai? What are you eating? What’d you cook for me?”

5.       Stare at wall: This is something every volunteer is really good at.  We can spend hours just sitting and staring off.  I don’t think we’ve gone too crazy from doing this daily but Peace Corps really makes you get to know yourself.  I am constantly aware of thinking to myself.  As the only English speaker in my village, I only have English conversations with other volunteers.  Sometimes here I just want to be left alone and hove some privacy and time to be me.  But this means I live in my head- haven’t gotten to the point of talking out loud to myself yet though ha.  But while this may sound troubling to others, Peace Corps has truly given me time to really get to know myself: how to motivate myself, when to reach out to other volunteers, how far I can push myself, how to handle fear, frustration, successes, homesickness, etc.  I’ve definitely become much more independent and pushed myself so much further than I ever thought imaginable.  So I guess hours of sitting, staring at the wall, staring at my garden anticipating veggies for weeks later, living inside my head, giving myself pep talks, etc. has helped me become more self reliant and able to do things I never thought possible.  Although its extreme boredom contributing to much of this, I have to say I am proud of myself.

6.       Solar charger check:  Life without a phone here would be crazy,  Like I said above, much of my time is spent in my head, so interactions with villagers- although it takes brain power to speak another language- and phone calls to other volunteers is necessary.  One hour phone call of venting, sharing, laughing, and speaking English equals the phones battery.  A couple hours in direct sunlight is life saving for my mental stability to be able to talk with other volunteers.  I am not looking forward to the rainy season and clouds and having to plan out whom to call for short times, but I got through that once already.

7.       Cleaning: I guess before coming here, I was kind of a neat freak.  My mom would call me germaphobic.  Well, being clean and free from germs is impossible here! I do, however, clean daily since it’s necessary.  With cement floors now (I would never have survived the dirt floors in my first house!) it’s easy to sweep and mopping consists of dumping water on the ground and sweeping it out the door.  But since I have kids in my house playing cards everyday and open windows and wind etc. my house gets covered in dirt easily.  Out of boredom, I often reorganize things to find layers of dust bunnies and dirt despite the constant cleaning.  Sometimes this reorganization leads to finding rat hideouts.  I have been keeping a tally on all the rats that I have killed since I got to site: 17.  The first 15 were all killed with poison and most were in my first house.  The 16th I found in my compost pile and killed with my jembe (hoe) and the 17th was running in my house and I smashed it against the wall with the giant box of condoms (6000) that I have for free distribution and education here.  So, despite my lack of need for protection from condoms living on my own here, they are still protecting me from some things…rats ha.  They seem to know to avoid poison now, so my ability to kill an animal is being tested here and there; and since I have developed such a disgust of rats living under my same roof, I am finding it almost normal to hunt them down (sometimes this has to occur with a phone call to a friend here who gives encouragement while I am running around with a flashlight in one hand and a book or other killing device in another- getting a good picture now?).  Dishes are also a daily chore and I have to say I’m really good at conserving water now!

8.       Showering: This is not a daily occurrence.  Showers depend on how much water I have, which is often none.  Days I run I definitely rinse off, but washing hair is not too often (but years with Ali Adams trained me for this J ha).  My feet are always covered in dirt so that seems a pointless task until right before bed; yet somehow my sheets still always get dirty.  Now that it’s cooler, bucket baths are like diving in a cold pool.  Shaving legs with goose bumps is not too fun (yes, I still shave my legs since its one of the few things that makes me feel clean).  So for “warm” showers I put my bucket of water in the sun for a couple hours and then it’s not so bad.  I still need to hand my solar shower and see how that works… But in the rainy/warm season, cold showers are great.

9.       Read: Books are my life here.  They are the easiest escape from boredom and luckily from years of past down books between volunteers, we all have gathered quite a collection.  I’ll spend hours reading on my rope bed until my butt falls asleep then move around and then start reading again.  With my video iPod now (thanks Ashee and Mom!) I can watch tv shows like the Office here and there, but I really enjoy reading at my leisure now that I have the time (unlike while I was in school).

10.   Do “work”: There are many times when I want to stay inside and not have to watch over 20 kids playing cards, talk with every passerby, explain how we do grow corn in the States but don’t eat ugali, and speak in Swahili.  Therefore, if I want to just chill, read, write letters, make phone calls, plan lessons, study Swahili, etc. I have to shut my door and pass out the word that I am “working.”  It is difficult for my villagers to understand why I want to be alone.  They are such a communal society, so they often feel that interrupting my work to sit and chat is helping me and they constantly want to make sure I am not lonely.  So any of these tasks are always interrupted and that is why Peace Corps is a 24/7/365 job.  Sometimes bibi is so persistent that she won’t stop yelling through my window until I let her in, and when I explain repeatedly that I am writing or working she says “That’s fine.  I’ll just sit here and watch you work.”  This of course always leads to her talking to me anyways, or sometimes she’ll just pass out on my living room floor.  So although I have all the time in the world here, I am often bad with letters for this very reason, but I do my best to keep writing all of you!

11.   Lunch: As mentioned above, I am constantly interrupted and visited at my house.  I don’t like to cook or eat in front of people, since I usually just make food for me and not every visitor.  As a communal society, they cook meals to eat with the family or neighbors and always invite passerbys to sit and eat as well.  I do cook and share meals often, but since I don’t eat ugali every meal, sharing actual dishes of various food and often my American package food would get much too expensive.  Therefore, I have convinced myself I don’t need lunch (unless I am invited by a neighbor).  I am often out of my house in the afternoons anyways, so this is usually not a problem, but on days when I am just sitting around staring at the wall, food is often on my mind.  Plus cooking 3 times a day is annoying as well.

12.   Repeat above steps: Throughout the day, I continue to read, clean, stare, visit neighbors, write, plan, etc.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  Right now with no school and little progress on projects, there’s not a lot of variation or even an actual necessity to plan or do anything.  Understanding the boredom??

13.   Visit Mama: Around 3:30-4pm I head over to my Mama’s house to get out of mine and visit her and her neighbors.  Usually this consists of me sitting on her mat outside, listening to her and the neighbors talk and gossip in the tribal language (Kiyao), me zoning out because I don’t understand the tribal language, watching chickens run around and get raped by roosters, watching children run around showing off for me, watching children watch me, and me joining the conversation here and there or asking to have the Kiyao translated to Kiswahili.  This is also a time that I catch my Mama after her farm and house work to discuss any plans or concerns with projects. Its different being closest with a 40-something year old women, but I really do enjoy spending time with my Mama.  She is always so happy and energetic and always there to help me with anything from language help to project frustrations.  Her and her husband, the village Chief and my Baba (father), truly care about me and consider me a member of their family. 

14.   Children: Just like back in the states, I still love interacting with children.  My house seems to always be open to kids to play cards, jump rope, look at magazines, study, and just watch me.  Playing with kids is one of the few things that is exactly the same here in Tanzania and back at home.  Kids are kids everywhere.  So on days when I am not feeling up to walking around outside, speaking Swahili, and always being happy and friendly, I let the kids come into my house and that usually will put a smile on my face.  Children here are very different than the States, however, because they are completely self reliant.  It is not uncommon for a 5 year old child to be carrying and coddling a 1 year old strapped to her (women care for children) back.  The children who do not attend school are left to run around the village.  Kids here are always expected to do household work, run errands, and do a lot of the cleaning and farm work even at the school.  Although this often seems like little slaves at times, they truly love to work and have anything to do.  Many kids offer to sweep for me or other tasks, especially now that they know I usually give out candy for those who help me out.  There are always a group of children at my house in the evenings to play cards, and I typically do dishes, prep dinner, or other shores while they play.  Usually, I have to tell them to bring everything back in neatly since the sun is no longer out and they can come back again the next day. 

15.   Dinner: Lately, with not much to do during the day, I have been preparing dinner earlier while the kids are playing in my house. Also, the days are shorter right now (its “winter” here) so with the sun going down earlier, I am left alone to eat earlier.  Dinner is often some version of beans (different seasoning or sauces) or pasta.  I do enjoy cooking though, so when I have veggies or feel creative, I make different breads or creamy pasta sauces or thai stir fry.  Prepping food here is not just chopping veggies.  It consists of lighting your charcoal jiko (stove) and fanning it until it is burning.  Rice has to be sifted through to make sure there are no stones.  Beans have to be checked for bad ones.  Nothing here is ready to just cook like back home.  Often things have bugs in it as well.  The better flours I buy in a duka (shop) in town always have bugs in them.  Therefore, before baking, I have to sift through flour to pick out worms and bugs and know fully, that I missed many but am comforted by the fact that the heat will kill them and if anything more protein would be good for me!  I know often make my specialty- whole wheat worm bread. J I eat dinner by candlelight and often read while eating.

16.   Phone calls: I usually chat with my two closest friends every evening.  Even though most of the time neither of us has anything exciting to talk about, we still chat every day.  It’s nice to hear someone else’s same frustrations or funny rat adventures or complete boredom as well.

17.   Bedtime: Once I am ready for bed and brushed my teeth and cleaned my feet, I do a once-over just to make sure there are no creatures that somehow got under my mosquito net into my bed.  A couple volunteers down here have found rats curled in their sheets or one even had a snake under his bed.  So far I have been lucky, but I still check.  Then I read with my headlamp or watch a tv show on my iPod.  Despite the fact that I didn’t really exert my body too much, I am usually exhausted and pass out by 9:30pm.

Well, that is just an average day here in the vill.  Remember, right now I am not teaching or doing much work either so I am sure, and desperately hope, this will change back to a fuller schedule.  However, this is not an uncommon day in the life of a Peace Corps volunteer.  And although I am completely bored and pretty frustrated with how projects are going, I know things will change and I am still thoroughly enjoying my time spent with friends and family here in the village.  And not only am I becoming extremely close with other volunteers here, I am really enjoying getting to know myself and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  I apologize for the book I just wrote, but hope you all enjoy a closer view at what I do (or don’t do) here in Tanzania.  Also, I just found another Peace Corps volunteer’s blog from another country, but he describes the life of a volunteer in a funny and realistic manner: waidsworld.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/the-real-peace-corps/

I hope to write more next time I am in town and I will be adding some more cultural experiences soon!  Love and miss you all tons and hope life is going great! XOXO

22 August 2012
Peace Corps is certainly a rollercoaster of not only emotions but of events as well.  Clearly, the last time I wrote out a blog post I was bored out of my mind.  But I actually have a few updates now!

1.       Got a puppy to entertain me!
2.       Visited my mama’s home village to meet her family.
3.       Feasted and chanted for the end of Ramadan holiday
4.       Movement with the water project- we finally started
5.       World Aids Day preparations

I’ll write more on these later when I have some more time. Also spent the weekend at the beach house here drinking some wine, eating cheese and ice cream, and swimming in the Indian Ocean so it’s been a good break from the vill.  Hope all is well and it was great to Skype with so many of you today!! Love and miss you all so much! xoxoxo